you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
