He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
