It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
