So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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