She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think we might need a safe word for this...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
