I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
