Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
