i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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