I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
