how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
