i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
