wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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