please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
