oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
whose parrot is this?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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