You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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