when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
