It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
