Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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