Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
