remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
