then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
