he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
