i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
