i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
