I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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