I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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