I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
