i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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