So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
