we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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