I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
