oh god the rape fog is back!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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