I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
pray to the hookup gods
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
