she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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