I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
