clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
