I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
