u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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