A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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