Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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