Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
