Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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