I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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