Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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