at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
