If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
