My girlfriend figured out who you are.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
