my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have grass duct taped all over my body
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
