you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
