everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
