Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
