yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
