you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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