turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
