Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
