He uses pillows to masturbate.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
