I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
