how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
