just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
