Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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