Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
