good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
