4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
