you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
