guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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