I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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