I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
