Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
