Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just had sex bonerless
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
