You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize