that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize