I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
