your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
