do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
