I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
