your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
