I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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