How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
